Combat Sexual Pressure by Changing the Script

Combat Sexual Pressure by Changing the Script

Rebecca Hagelin, Author

Parents got some good news last week: A new report from the CDC (Centers for Disease Control) reveals that more teens and young adults are choosing virginity over casual sex.

"Among youngstersbetween the ages of 15 and 24, 27 percent of males and 29 percent of females said they had never experienced any sort of sexual contact." The report draws from 2008 data, the latest available.  By comparison, in 2002, 22 percent of males and females chose virginity.

Parents who want to help their children embrace sexual purity need a clear understanding of the sexual pressures in today's culture.

A new book, Premarital Sex in America, by Mark Regnerus and Jeremy Uecker, provides that and more. It offers compelling research on the influences and decisions that lead to premarital sex—or virginity—among older adolescents and young adults.

So what do parents need to know?

First, that "sexual scripts" within a person's social community strongly influence his or her expectations about sex.

What are "sexual scripts"? They are the unwritten "rules" of a social community, the norms about "what… to do next" or how, when, and why to have sex. Peers, friends, and the media pass these scripts along, often implicitly, teaching through the power of stories, images, and anecdotes. The popular scripts shape adolescents' perceptions of what's "normal," while competing "scripts," proposed by parents and religious beliefs, may fade from the adolescent's day-to-day life and become lost.

Second, that the sexual scripts proposed by our permissive culture and the media rest on lies--lies about relationships, the meaning of sex, and the path towards happiness.

For example, young people consistently believe that more of their peers are having more sex than they really are. In reality, the hook-up culture is not the every-weekend-norm for most students, according to Regnerus' data. On college campuses, for example, 36% of young people have never hooked up with anyone even once.

Those who have hooked up have done so an average of four times total by the end of college. And roughly 75% of those who have hooked up experience regret. Moreover, hook-ups proliferate in two specific scenarios: among young people who are not college-educated, and among those who attend private, elite schools where fraternities (and in many case, alcohol) dominate social life.

Regnerus and Uecker conclude with a research-based list of ten myths about sex, exposing the insidious harm of our culture's prevailing mantra. It should be required reading for both parents and older adolescents.

How to Save Your Family: Share a "Sexual Script" Based on Truth

The new research in Premarital Sex in America demonstrates that young adults do in fact reflect the sexual scripts of their communities. "Other people's sexual choices matter.  Collectively they function as a powerful constraint on our own behavior." Our children will do best when they find a flourishing community of like-minded people who will commit to a common sexual ethic that follows God's script rather than Sex and the City's.

Young people motivated to live in sexual purity (and to enjoy the freedom that brings) need to surround themselves with others equally committed to the same ideals.  Church youth groups, fellowship opportunities, and accountability teams may provide friendship and support. Our young people need to know they are not alone in their choice to live sexually pure lives.

Let your daughters know that research shows that women are, in fact, the sexual gatekeepers in relationships—that means they must stand firm, embracing sexual purity. The guys who are worth it will wait for sex and the guys who are not will leave—good riddance.

Whatever it takes, do your part to help the young people in your life sort through and find the messages worthy of who they were created to be.

March 16, 2011

Rebecca outlines her vision for parenting in 30 Ways in 30 Days to Save Your Family.

(c) 2010 Rebecca Hagelin  www.howtosaveyourfamily.com.

Page Source (url): http://www.crosswalk.com/family/parenting/teens/combat-sexual-pressure-by-changing-the-script.html

 

 

"All of your dreams can come true if you have the courage to pursue them." -  ºoº Walt Disney ºoº  

 

20 Things You Can Say “No” To

20 Things You Can Say "No" To

Theresa Ceniccola, The Christian Mompreneur

I'm sure this isn't news to you, but sometimes we moms have a difficult time saying no. You would think that with all that practice during the Terrible Two's, we would have that word down pat. "No" is arguably the most powerful word in the dictionary. But we can't seem to utter it when we need it most.  

My take—the biggest reason for this is guilt. We put such high expectations on ourselves to be everything for our families and others, and we don't want to let anyone down. We're people pleasers by nature. So we say "yes" every time we're asked to bake cupcakes or go on a field trip or teach Sunday school at the last minute. We also say "yes" when someone asks us to give away our products and services for free.

You know the routine. You reluctantly agree to coordinate the talent show at the elementary school. And because you are an amazing woman, you put on the most organized and entertaining show ever. Then what happens? You are nominated to do it again the following year. And the year after that. And the year after that. This would not be a problem if you actually enjoyed it. But over time, your enthusiasm for the project diminishes and you're left feeling obligated and resentful.

We bring this kind of torture on ourselves, you know. Nobody can force us to say "yes" in the first place. By saying yes and doing a great job, we establish a reputation as dependable and hard working. And this has the unwelcome side effect of attracting more "opportunities" to shine in the same way.

When we take on too many things, we don't leave any space for ourselves. We don't have any time to fulfill our life purpose. We don't leave room to grow, to breathe and simply… to be. Imagine how it would feel to eliminate that one thing that is zapping all your personal energy right now! To freely and completely do what God is calling you to do without getting distracted by everyone else's requests and expectations.

So, in the spirit of creating space in your life for growth and happiness, I hereby give you permission to say "no" to anything that no longer serves you and your family. Anything that is not truly in alignment with your values and goals. And the best part is that you can say "no" without guilt, because the Christian Mompreneurs are behind you, sister!

This means you are free to say "No" to:

1. Volunteer work that doesn't clearly support your values and goals;

2. Email forwards that annoy you or distract you;

3. Social invitations that are not in alignment with your values -- or that distract you from achieving goals that are in alignment with your values;

4. Clients or customers who don't leave you feeling great about who you are and how you serve the world;

5. Toxic relationships including friends and family who are negative, emotionally draining or abusive;

6. Conversations that leave you feeling badly about yourself;

7. The idea that someone else is better at what you do;

8. Any community service project that you don't embrace with a happy heart;

9. Pro bono work or bartering that does not fill your emotional piggy bank;

10. The attachment to other people's opinions of your choices;

11. Annoying Facebook posts or games;

12. Answering your cell phone;

13. Returning phone calls and emails immediately;

14. Birthday parties, after school activities, sports or events that you deem unnecessary or are simply too much to handle logistically;

15 Sending birthday cards to everyone you've ever met;

16. Contributing to every charity that you've ever been asked to support;

17. Watching TV;

18. Reading an entire book when you've already decided you don't like it on Chapter 3;

19. Anything that makes you roll your eyes or get that anxious pit in your stomach;

20. The misguided belief that you have to say "yes" to everyone—all the time.

So what are you going to say no to this week? Let me know so I can cheer you on!

Theresa Ceniccola is The Christian Mompreneur—a Mentor to Moms Who are Running a Business that Supports Faith and Family. She empowers entrepreneurial moms to build profitable businesses with wisdom and grace through the Christian Mompreneur Mastermind program and her professional Marketing services, which include copywriting, marketing and strategy consulting and private coaching.

 Page Source (url): http://www.crosswalk.com/family/career/20-things-you-can-say-no-to.html

 

 

"All of your dreams can come true if you have the courage to pursue them." -  ºoº Walt Disney ºoº  

 

Career Planning: Essential Life Skill for the 21st Century

Career Planning: Essential Life Skill for the 21st Century

Kevin & Kay Marie Brennfleck, National Certified Career Counselors and Life Calling CoachesSM

Most people spend more time planning their vacations than their careers and lives. How about you? How much time and energy have you invested in figuring out what type of work best uses your skills and interests? Which careers that fit you have growth potential in this economy? Which career path would give you a deep sense of satisfaction and purpose? And, most importantly, what God has put you on earth to accomplish?

The world of work has changed dramatically in the last decade, and the changes have accelerated since 2008. Career planning used to be a matter of getting an education, finding a job in a good company, showing up for work each day, and eventually retiring to a nice pension. For most people, those days are gone forever.

Why Periodic Career Planning is Necessary

The job market of the 21^st century offers more options and flexibility than that of the 20^th century, but its volatility also requires that you become more resourceful, adaptable and pro-active. Today's status quo can quickly become obsolete. Learning how to do good career planning, therefore, is now an essential life skill for those who want to be engaged in their work, earn a good salary, and finish their lives with a sense of satisfaction, and not regret.

Career planning is something you should do on a regular basis. The work world continues to change at a fast pace, and God is at work making changes within you. Take time at least once a year to do an "annual review."  During that time, take a look at where you have been heading and what you have accomplished, re-assess your skills, interests, values, passions, etc. to see how they might be better utilized in your work and life, invest time in reflecting on and praying about what God would have you do with the next "chapter" of your life, and evaluate if you need to make any changes in the direction you have been heading.

Issues Career Planning Can Help You Resolve

There are times in life when doing career planning on your own is sufficient. There are other times, however, when working with a professional career counselor/coach will be the best investment you ever make. Good career planning can help you if you:

• Are successful in your work, but feel like your work lacks purpose and meaning;
• Sense God is calling you in a different direction, but don't know how to clarify His leading;
• Feel like the "real you" doesn't get to come out at work, and long for work that fits you well;
• Think there are probably many more career options than those of which you are aware, but don't know how to find the one that fits you best.

All of these issues can be addressed and resolved through quality career testing and systematic, comprehensive career planning. You don't have to feel lost, distressed, bored, underemployed, frustrated, or hopeless. The starting place is determining that you are ready and willing to take steps to change your life!

Tips for Successful Career Planning

1. Chart your career path up to the present. List the jobs you have held, and take some time to reflect on each of them. Ask yourself questions such as: How did I get into that job? How long did I stay in it? Why? What did I like about it? What did I dislike?

Do you see any patterns in your choices and evaluations? How do you feel about your career path to date? Are there any things that you would have done differently? These observations can help you to appreciate good decisions you have made as well as help you make better choices in the future.

2. Reflect on what motivates you now. As human beings, we grow and develop. As Christians, God is at work in our lives, as well, maturing us into the image of His Son, Jesus. Bottom line, while many things about how God has designed us stay the same, we continue to change in various ways throughout our lives. For example, many people in midlife feel called to do something that "makes a difference," no longer content just to make a living. For some, there may be particular issues or needs they feel drawn to address. For others, they know they want to do something more meaningful, but a central part of their career planning work is figuring out how God wants to use them in the second half of their lives.  

Professional career testing can be a great way to expedite the process of identifying the key "puzzle pieces" of your design, the central themes in who God has created you to be (instead of just knowing random pieces of information about your design), and the needs that you are motivated to meet.

 

3. Identify the transferable skills you enjoy using. Think about your career history in terms of the transferable skills you have developed instead of the job titles you have held. Looking at yourself solely in terms of job titles restricts your thinking about other career options. You are not limited to similar job titles or career fields! When you look, instead, at your individual transferable skills (such as "plan," "teach," "calculate," "persuade") and the skill clusters that you most enjoy, you can more readily research and recognize other career paths that could be a good fit.  

 

4. Look at current career and job trends. In a rapidly changing job market, having up to date information about labor market trends is very important. Seeing where job growth is expected in fields that interest you can help you make better career decisions. Resources such as the Occupational Outlook Handbook and the O*NET database are useful once you have a thorough understanding of your God-given design. (Otherwise, they can be overwhelming to use.)

5. Set goals for your career and develop a "do-able" action plan to achieve them. Without a plan, things seldom change for the better. Without working your plan, things seldom change for the better. It's been said that insanity is doing the same things over and over, while expecting a different result. So what are your career goals? Here are some possible ones to think about:

• Determine how I can grow in my current job, or find a better-fitting job in my current company.
• Figure out what type of work fits me best.
• Identify career options in my current field that have the best growth potential.
• Learn and use more successful job search strategies for finding a new position.
• Discern what God is calling me to do with my life.

Originally posted March 31, 2010.

Kevin Brennfleck and Kay Marie Brennfleck, National Certified Career Counselors, are the authors of Live Your Calling: A Practical Guide to Finding and Fulfilling Your Mission in Life. Their websites, www.ChristianCareerCenter.com, www.ChurchJobsOnline.com, and www.ChristianJobFair.com, feature hundreds of job listings from churches, ministries, and Christian employers; a resume bank; and many other career/job search resources and articles. They also offer career coaching and testing to help you discover work that fits your God-given design, as well as assistance with writing a powerful resume, interviewing effectively, finding job openings, and other aspects of a successful job search. If you are not sure how best to proceed with your career planning, consider taking advantage of our professional career coaching and career testing services. You can schedule a free consultation session today!

Page Source (url): http://www.crosswalk.com/family/career/career-planning-essential-life-skill-for-the-21st-century-11628324.html

 

"All of your dreams can come true if you have the courage to pursue them." -  ºoº Walt Disney ºoº  

 

Find Your God-Given Gift

Find Your God-Given Gift

Steve Diggs, Personal Finance and Life-Skills Coach

Let me paint you a picture of a child who has gone to a party and feels left out because he notices that all the other children are playing with gifts from the host. Then, at the end of the day when his mother picks him up for the drive home, he breaks down and cries. "Mom, everyone else got a gift—except for me! Why didn't they give me a gift?"

Imagine his disappointment when his stunned mother looked in the rearview mirror and asked, "Didn't you go to the gift table and pick up the gift they had prepared for you?"

Life is too short not to find your gift. Yet that's how many of us live our entire lives. We never go to God's gift table to find what he has prepared for us. This is something that I speak about in the ReTooled & ReFueled: The Essential Christian Life-Skills Seminar. So let me share a few thoughts that may help you find and enjoy the gift God has waiting for you.

1. Be available to God's gentle promptings. Sometimes the key is simply to, "be still, and know that I am God" (Psalms 46:10a, NIV). I believe that God has given every one of us a natural bent. He has blessed each of us with abilities or inclinations that will lead our life paths to joyful conclusions if we will simply accept what God has waiting for us and accept them on his terms.

2. Understand the nature of God's gifts. While I'm not convinced that it is an exhaustive list, Paul gives us a glimpse into the heart of God as he names seven different "gifts of the Spirit" in Romans 12 (you can check them out for yourself, but briefly they include the gifts of prophesy, serving others, teaching, encouraging, giving, leading, and showing mercy). God gives gifts so we can "re-gift" them. His idea is for us is to share and bless others with — to pay it forward. Not to strain a metaphor, but I realize that this may seem like telling the same kid in the illustration above that he can go back to the party and retrieve his gift — but then he must share it with the other kids. Although it may sound counterintuitive, God's plan really does work best. He gives gifts (at least in part) so we can have the joy of blessing others. The happiest people I know are the ones who give the most.

3. Avoid cramming square pegs into round holes. Many of us spend our entire lives trying to be something that God never wired us to be. In my high school and college days I was determined to get into show business. I reasoned (or rationalized) that I could do all kinds of great things for God if he would only allow me to become a famous star. By brute force and dogged determination, I eventually managed to sign a record deal with a major label and did several stage and television shows. But it never really fit me.

Why? Mainly because I had no real talent. I couldn't sing (my voice has been known to kill small animals!) But for a long time, I resisted God's nudging. So I wasted valuable time trying to convince God to do it my way. Thankfully, he loved me too much to allow that. I have long suspected that, had I succeeded in show business, I would have long ago left Jesus.

4. Avoid jealousy. Don't look at another Christian and say, "I wish I could sing or lead or communicate like he does." God's gift for you will be as unique as your finger prints — he knows what will fit you the best. He knows exactly how much to give you and when to hold back — to protect you from yourself. This is where trust comes into play.

5. Look for the "sweet spot." One way of knowing when you are ensconced in God's perfect plan for your life is that there will be a sense of peace and purpose. Paul called it, "the peace that passes understanding." It's like that perfect golf swing (of which I've had very few). You know the instant your club makes contact that all is well as the ball flies freely and effortlessly exactly where you intended. When I start to see God's big picture for my life, things change for the better — forever. There is a blessing when we "wait for the Lord" because we "will gain new strength" and "mount up with wings like eagles . . . run and not get tired . . . walk and not become weary."

Steve Diggs has presented the No Debt No Sweat! Money Management and ReTooled & ReFueled Essential Life-Skills Seminars over 500 times at churches, colleges, conferences, employee groups, and other venues nationwide. Visit Steve at www.NDNS.org, www.RetooledAndRefueled.com or www.SteveDiggs.com or call 615-834-3063.  The author of seven books, Steve has been a TV commentator, syndicated columnist, minister, and, today, is a fulltime speaker.  For 25 years he was President of the Franklin Group, Inc. Steve and Bonnie have four grown children whom they have home schooled.  The family lives in Brentwood, Tennessee.

No Debt No Sweat! Christian Money Management Seminar teaches God's people how to use God's money God's way. More at www.NoDebtNoSweat.com.

 

ReTooled & ReFueled: The Essential Christian Life-Skills Seminar shows Christians how to live for the beautiful bye and bye—while dealing with the nasty now and now.  More atwww.RetooledAndRefueled.com.  

 

 

Page Source (url): http://www.crosswalk.com/family/career/find-your-god-given-gift.html

 

"All of your dreams can come true if you have the courage to pursue them." -  ºoº Walt Disney ºoº  

 

The Danger of Too Much Preparation

The Danger of Too Much Preparation

Dan Miller, 48Days.com

Most of us make fun of the idea that ignorance is bliss and pride ourselves in not being one of the ignorant.

However, I see a reverse phenomenon that is also quite interesting.  The paradox of knowledge is this:  the more we know, the more we realize what we don't know.  Thus, a person who begins studying butterflies discovers the thousands of species that exist.  A person who wants to buy a car can get lost in consumer reports, safety studies, and resale potential.   I see students continuing the pursuit of more and more degrees, "getting ready" for that first job.  I see people looking for a job who spend six months researching companies and job search strategies.  I encounter the frustrated employee who wants his/her own business and spends ten years carefully planning every possible outcome.

"Action may not always bring happiness, but there is no happiness without action."  Benjamin Disraeli

One of Zig Ziglar's famous stories is of a childhood neighbor lady who pulled some biscuits out of the oven that were no thicker than silver dollars.  When little Zig asked what happened, the cook laughed and said, "Well, those biscuits squatted to rise, but they just got cooked in the squat."

I see people who have gotten "cooked in the squat."  They are going to do something just as soon as they gather all the necessary information.  But weeks, months and then years slip by.  Protected in the safety of gathering more information they miss new opportunities all together.  A coaching client told me he had gone to work at the local bank – just as a temporary position until he could do a little research about which career field to really pursue.  Guess what?  That was 17 years ago and he's still at the bank.  The acceptable illusion of still getting ready robbed him of 17 years of his life.

When do you have enough knowledge to start something new?  When you decide to take action!  The baby eagle learns how to fly as he is heading straight toward the rocks below, not while sitting on the edge of the nest.  The business owner learns while hiring, buying, and making mistakes more than while sitting in a classroom.  The unemployed person approaches success while knocking on doors, making phone calls, and getting repeated rejections, not while scanning the Internet and reading textbooks.

"There is no more miserable human being than the one in whom nothing is habitual but indecision."  William James

Don't get "cooked in the squat."  It will cripple you and cause you to miss the life you were intended to live!

What is a decision you have been waiting to make? Do you perhaps have enough knowledge to make a decision and move on?

 Dan Miller is today's leading authority and personality on careers and 'Work You Love^TM'. As bestselling author of 48 Days To The Work You Love, and now No More Mondays, Dan reaches over a million people every month in his newsletter, podcast, and blog with the best trends and opportunities in the workplace and small business. For more information, visithttp://www.48days.com.

 

Page Source (url): http://www.crosswalk.com/family/career/the-danger-of-too-much-preparation.html

 

"All of your dreams can come true if you have the courage to pursue them." -  ºoº Walt Disney ºoº  

 

School Year Resolutions for You and Your Teenager

School Year Resolutions for You and Your Teenager

Mark Gregston, Heartlight Ministries

 

Like New Year's resolutions, the start of the school year is a perfect time for parents and teenagers to make resolutions together in regard to goals, responsibilities, and expectations.

Think about what you and your teen hope to accomplish and how you will interact this year. That starts by reviewing your household rules to make sure they are still age-appropriate. And be sure to develop concrete plans to shore up and maintain your relationship with your teen, even as they get busier with school and after-school activities.

Make one of your goals to meet with them regularly, at least once a week. Make it a requirement to get together at a restaurant or coffee shop; or better yet, go have some mutual fun together. You'll find that every time you meet with your teen you'll learn something new about them, and your relationship will blossom.

A number of things happen in the first few weeks of school; so I recommend that you double up your one on one meetings during the first month. Listen to what your teen has to say about their new teachers, their schedule and their peers. Perhaps they are already being bullied by someone, so it could be that they need to be quickly moved or the school officials told about the bullying. Getting it right in the first few weeks is critical, since you can still make changes in their schedule or classes before they get too far into the semester, and before they become discouraged.

Communication Means Listening

When you get together, your teen may never have a long discussion with you; it may just be the "instant message" version. But listen carefully, because what is said will probably be short and you'll have to do some reading between the lines. Repeat back what you think they said, or ask a few quick questions to clarify what they meant. This will signify that you are really listening and wanting to understand them.

If your teen is a boy, keep in mind that boys will clam up if a parent expects them to look them in the eye when they talk. My friend Bill Ziegler, a middle school principal and frequent guest on our weekly radio program, says, "Boys communicate better when we're side by side, versus face to face." I find that boys also seem to process life while they are involved in an activity of some sort. So you'll be most successful if you can find something fun to do together, all the while interjecting thought-provoking questions to keep the conversation going.

For girls, too, conversation naturally comes out of having fun together. Talking less during these activity times may be difficult for a parent, but when it comes to getting teenagers to open up to you, you can't shut up too much. And be sure to prevent distractions during your time together. Don't bring along friends or siblings. Don't go to their regular hangout, where they'll likely run into their friends. Don't allow iPods or cell phones. And by all means, don't announce the activity is for the purpose of having a talk. Just leave the space open and available while you are with them, to see what happens next. Then zip your lip, be quiet, and practice listening.

School Is More Stressful Today

School has become a much more demanding environment for our kids these days. The pressures are significant to perform for others; socially, academically or athletically. So, take care in reviewing your teenager's schedule. Don't allow them to over-commit their time to school or other extra-curricular activities, including those at church. Adults will recruit them to commit to every spare second in their day to sports, clubs, music, or youth group, if you allow them. It's up to you to help your teen prioritize their schedule, while giving them permission to cut out some things if it appears they are taking on too much. If they are unwilling to confront the people who are pushing them into a state of being over-committed, ask your teen's permission to speak to them yourself.

Other kids will under-commit and avoid involvement in anything but what's required. So you may need to help them by asking them to at least try out for a sport or a club or other activity that will broaden their horizons, give them a new skill, or put them in the company of a positive peer group. Remember, one of the most important things you can do for your teenager is to help them find a positive peer group - so do whatever it takes.

Is Your Home a Place of Rest?

Finally, but no less important, be sure to take a close look at the environment in your home. Is it a place of rest for your teen, or does it just add to their stress? Having reasonable rules and chores won't cause stress; it is when there is poor communication, excessive lecturing, bickering, and fighting. So, pick your battles wisely and major on the majors. Set aside the minor issues, especially during the first few weeks of school. When your teen gets home after school, allow they some time to kick back and find some rest, even if it is just playing a video game or going for a walk. They need to unwind, just like you do when you've had a stressful day.

I hope you use this time near the beginning of a new school year to recharge and regroup. Watch for signs of problems with your teen, especially during these first few weeks. If they get off course, it will likely be now as they are dealing with new teachers, new or suddenly "grown-up" peers, new pressures, and possibly a transition to a new school.

Originally posted September 15, 2010.

_______________________________

"All of your dreams can come true if you have the courage to pursue them." -  ºoºWalt Disney ºoº  

How Likable are You?

How Likable are You?

Posted By Todd Smith On January 25, 2010 @ 03:45 In Achievement,Likability |

One of the most important keys to living a happy, healthy and fulfilling life is your ability to build meaningful relationships. While there are many factors that influence the relationships you have with others, being a likable person ranks near the top of the list. Likable people are those who do the little things to connect with people.

The Importance of Being Likable

All the great teachers of personal achievement from Napoleon Hill to Anthony Robbins have talked about the importance of creating a likable personality. Dale Carnegie's famous book How to Win Friends and Influence People was one of the best books I have read on the subject.

Generally speaking, people who have a likable personality enjoy greater success both personally and professionally. The logic is simple; people are subconsciously drawn to people who are likable.

Regardless of your career path, you can improve your brand and increase your value to the market by becoming a more likable person.

Evaluate Yourself

So, being honest with yourself, on a scale of 1-10, how likable are you? If your friends and business colleagues or your spouse and children were to rank your likability on a scale of 1-10, what would they say?

Answer these questions honestly to identify the areas where you can improve:

* When speaking with other people, are you genuinely engaged and interested in what they have to say?

* Does your smile communicate an authentic interest in the other person?

* When people are speaking, are you patient? Do you let them finish before responding?

* Will you get in the back seat of the car so your friend can sit in the front seat?

* Do you remember people's names?

* Do you accept responsibility when you are wrong?

* Do you say please when asking people to do something for you, even if they are being paid to do it?

* Do you offer your sincere appreciation to those who have done something to help you, even if it's within their job description?

* Are you friendly in your e-mails?

* Are you complimentary of others when they are deserving of one?

* Do you encourage others when given the opportunity?

* When having dinner at a friend's home, will you pitch in and help do the dishes?

* Do you practice humility?

* Do you listen more than you talk?

* Do you offer a heart-felt apology when you have hurt someone without making excuses?

* Do you make people feel comfortable when they are around you?

* Do you try to maintain a positive attitude at all times?

This is just a short list of the actions we take on a daily basis that will determine whether people view us as likable. The great news is 100% of these things are within your control.

There is Always Room For Improvement

In thinking about this lesson over the past week, I have been extra intentional about doing the little things to be more likable. For example, I have been friendlier to the store clerks where I shop and have been more encouraging and complimentary of my own children. While I have known about the importance of being likable for many years, this past week has been a humbling reminder that there is always room for improvement and I am no exception.

Start By Doing the Easy Things

If you want to create a more likable personality, here is the key: you must be INTENTIONAL about doing the little things that will make you a more likable person. Let me offer you the same challenge I made my 16-year-old son this week.

Jake works at a local grocery store where he normally just focuses on doing his job. Four days ago I challenged Jake to go out of his way to be friendly. The first day he went out of his way to be friendly to two customers. On the second day, ten customers, the third day thirty-four customers and the fourth day fifty-four customers. Get the picture?

As a result of this simple challenge, he is standing taller, walking with a bounce in his step and taking more pride in the person he is becoming. In fact, I can't recall any period of time in his life where I have seen his self-confidence grow more than in this past week. The store manager even noticed and told him what a great job he was doing.

Will you accept my challenge? Will you focus on becoming a more likable person?

What are some of the things that make people likable? Post your ideas in the comment section below.

People have choices. They will always choose to associate with someone who is likable. Are you?

About the Author: Todd Smith is a successful entrepreneur of 30 years and founder of Little Things Matter. To receive Todd's daily lessons, subscribe here. All Todd's lessons are also available on iTunes as downloadable podcasts. (Todd's podcasts are ranked #27 in America's top 100 podcasts and #1 in the personal and development field.)

 

 

"All of your dreams can come true if you have the courage to pursue them." -  ºoº Walt Disney ºoº  

 

One of the Most Powerful Things you can say

One of The Most Powerful Things You Can Say

Posted By Todd Smith On June 4, 2010 @ 03:45 In Likability |

One of my favorite quotes comes from the extraordinary public speaker, Robert Cavett.  Robert said, "Three billion people on the face of the earth go to bed hungry every night, but four billion people go to bed every night hungry for a simple word of encouragement and recognition." My heart goes out to those who are starving to be noticed, valued and appreciated.

In yesterday's post I talked about the importance of recognizing and encouraging yourself because you can't expect to be recognized or encouraged by others.  Very few people make the effort to say positive and uplifting things to others but those who do stand out like the light of a freight train in a dark tunnel.

When you encourage others, you lift their spirits, enhance their self-confidence and add fuel to their motivational fire. Perhaps more than anything you give them hope and inspiration. Wow, if simple words of encouragement can do so much to enhance someone's life, why don't we all do more of it? How long could it take? 10 seconds?

The power of a compliment

I went fishing a couple weeks ago with an acquaintance of mine. I really don't know Kevin very well as he is a friend of one of my friends.  Kevin greeted me with a huge smile and said, "The last time I went fishing with you, you said one of the nicest things anyone has every said to me."  A little surprised, I asked him what he meant.  He explained that I paid him a huge compliment when I told him how well he fought and eventually caught that 55-pound Amberjack.

Wow! I didn't remember giving him this accolade but he remembered! Not only did he remember; he remembered it 10 months later.  Who would have thought such a little unintentional statement would make such a lasting impression?

Recognizing and encouraging others

While I have my theories about why most people find it difficult to pay someone a compliment or take the time to give a person some positive reinforcement, the point is they don't. The crazy thing is, it is something we can do in less than 10 seconds, but yet has the potential to make a lasting impression.

How about taking the time to make someone's day? Be intentional about looking for the good in others and telling them what you see. Even the people who you think don't need to hear an encouraging word, need one.  In fact, they may be the people who need to hear it the most.

Do you have a spouse or significant other who needs a few words of encouragement?

Do you have a child who aspires to win a race or be accepted to a certain college?

Perhaps your friend is down in the dumps and a word of encouragement from you is all they need to change their mood.

Remember, what you give, you get in return.  When you begin to look for the good in others, it's only natural they will begin to look for the good in you.

My challenge to you

When you see people working hard to reach a goal, take 10 seconds to encourage them.  If you have seen progress in their pursuit, tell them what you have observed.  Your words of encouragement may be just what they need to keep their dreams alive.

Phrases like "You're doing great job", "keep up the good work" or "you rock!" will go a long way in making a difference in someone's outlook.

Make sure your words communicate your genuine feelings.  While the words themselves are powerful, the feelings behind the words are what will be remembered.

Here is my double challenge to you.  Before going to bed tonight, will you find three people to encourage, recognize or compliment?  Just three!  Will you do it?

If you want to see how your words can impact others, watch the award winning film with more than 3.5 million You Tube views called Validation.  It is the BEST short film I have ever seen.  If you can't watch it now, save this post and return to it when you have 17 minutes.  If you have children, watch it with them.

When you look for the good in others and tell them what you see, you will lift their spirits, enhance their self-image and make a lasting impression.

 

 

"All of your dreams can come true if you have the courage to pursue them." -  ºoº Walt Disney ºoº  

 

36 Ways to Make a Positive Impression in Less Than 10 Seconds

36 Ways to Make a Positive Impression in Less Than 10 Seconds

Posted By Todd Smith On May 3, 2010 @ 03:45 In Communication |

There are literally hundreds if not thousands of little things we can do to raise the bar in our professional and personal lives. So many of these things are easy to do and can be accomplished in less than 10 seconds. They just require an intentional effort.

What is CRITICAL to understand is that your ultimate success, fulfillment and happiness will come from doing the little things that matter.

As entrepreneur and best selling author Harvey Mackay said, "Little things don't mean a lot. They mean everything."

Here is a short list of 36 things you can do in less than 10 seconds that will make you a better person, enhance your self-image and improve the quality of your life.

1.  Make it a point to say the words "I love you" to the people in your home every single day.
2.  Offer a friendly authentic smile- a great smile radiates warmth, puts people at ease and makes you likable.
3.  Make comfortable eye contact- your eyes send messages; establishing and maintaining eye contact with people demonstrates confidence, respect, and genuine interest.
4.  Use someone's name – everyone likes to hear and see his or her name.
5.  Acknowledge people- smile and say hi to the people around you.
6.  Express your appreciation- say "thank you" to everyone who does something for you even if they are paid to do it.
7.  Be unselfish and put others first- it could be as simple as holding the door open for someone.
8.  Offer a word of encouragement- sometimes this is all a person needs to build confidence and take the next big step. This is big!
9.  Accept responsibility when you are wrong- it's the sign of a person with character.
10.  Be friendly- it lifts the attitude of others and is the #1 factor in being likable.
11.  Maintain a positive mental attitude- your attitude is a choice and that choice is 100% within your control.
12.  Be kind and considerate- to people you know as well as strangers.
13.  Be like a dog and be the first to greet people- it helps new people entering the room feel more comfortable and demonstrates your interest in them.
14.  Offer people you meet a warm greeting- this will set the tone for the entire encounter.
15.  Say please- make it a habit to use the word please EVERY TIME you ask someone to do something for you even if they are paid to do it.
16.  Get up and walk into the other room to speak to someone, rather than yelling.
17.  Put the toilet seat down.
18.  Turn your head and cover your mouth when you sneeze or cough.
19.  Improve your body posture- poor posture is an indication of low self-esteem.
20.  Say goodbye- make a good last impression.
21.  Offer a proper handshake- a good, firm handshake demonstrates confidence and makes a good impression.
22.  Give someone a hug- a hug is a sign that you really care for the other person.
23.  Proof your email, text or post- this is an important component of portraying a professional online brand.
24.  Click the LIKE button on someone's Facebook post- it's an easy way to demonstrate interest.
25.  Turn off your phone in meetings- even though your phone may not make sounds, your eyes and attention will be diverted from the other people in attendance and your lack of attention demonstrates disrespect.
26.  Repeat your phone number twice when leaving a voicemail- speaking slowly and repeating your phone number will make you stand out.
27.  When scheduling appointments use the other person's time zone- this avoids misunderstandings or missed opportunities.
28.  Speak with life and energy in your voice- no one likes to be around people who are "dead, dull and lifeless."
29.  Walk with a bounce in your step- it's evidence of an energetic attitude that ultimately leads to success.
30.  Turn off the notifications that are bugging those around you.
31.  Write things down- it prevents you from forgetting things that are important.
32.  Say something positive to others about another person- reverse gossip.
33.  Congratulate your opponent- good sportsmanship is evidence of leadership.
34.  Introduce yourself- be proactive and introduce yourself to people whom you have never met.
35.  Look for the good in others and tell them what you see- you have the ability to bring out the best in people, especially when they may not know it themselves.
36.  Hold in that fart- the pain will go away in less than 10 seconds.

As you can see, each of these tips is easy to do. They don't require any formal education or financial investment. We can begin to incorporate them into our lives this very minute. All we need is to be conscious of them and be willing to take 10 seconds to do them.

Let me encourage you to print out this list and put an asterisk beside the ones you are committed to working on. Track your results and see how you do.

This is just a small sampling of the things we can do in less than 10 seconds to make a positive impression on others. What are some other simple things we can do in less than 10 seconds? I look forward to reading them in the comments section below this post.

 

 

"All of your dreams can come true if you have the courage to pursue them." -  ºoº Walt Disney ºoº