1. Because he was not the one we were waiting for.
2. "Forward."
3. Because Julia needs to get off her lazy, federally subsidized butt, get a real job, and pay for her own damned birth-control pills.
4. Because lots of people fail at their first real job.
5. Because "Winning the Future" was not a very good slogan back in 2005 when it was Newt's.
6. Because the country is ready for its first African-American former president.
7. To give him the free time to write his third memoir.
8. Because he'll have even more "flexibility" after November if he's back in Chicago.
9. Joe Biden.
10. So that dissent will once again be the highest form of patriotism.
11. Because he didn't quite get the message in 2010.
12. For claiming that he would cut the deficit in half.
13. And then adding more than $5 trillion in new debt.
14. To remind him that debt used to be, in his own words, "unpatriotic."
15. Because the buck never stops.
16. For blaming President Bush.
17. For blaming headwinds.
18. For blaming Japanese earthquakes.
19. For blaming ATMs.
20. He can't get the vice president to stop calling him "Barack" in public.
21. Gabby Giffords shooting commemorative T-shirts and pep rally.
22. Because he listened to the Reverend Wright's crackpot racist diatribes for years and then gave us a lecture on racism.
23. For ignoring his own deficit commission.
24. Because of an $800 billion stimulus bill.
25. "Shovel-ready" projects.
26. The non-existence of shovel-ready projects.
27. For joking about the non-existence of shovel-ready projects.
28. Because "jobs created or saved" is Enron accounting.
29. Because there were stimulus grants in imaginary ZIP codes.
30. For proposing a $53 billion high-speed-rail project while Amtrak is still losing hundreds of millions of dollars a year.
31. For repeatedly citing the 2007 Minnesota bridge collapse as evidence of the need for expanded infrastructure spending when federal investigators ruled that bad design, not disrepair, caused the collapse.
32. For 613 new federal regulations in the first 33 months of his presidency.
33. And because 129 of those regulations will each cost the economy more than $100 million a year.
34. Because the Small Business Administration estimates the price of current regulations at $1.75 trillion annually — a bigger burden than the corporate income tax.
35. Because his neck must be hurting from keeping his chin up in the air for nearly four years.
36. Because Cass Sunstein boasted about an "unprecedentedly ambitious government-wide review" of regulation that saved only $2 billion per year, or 0.1 percent of the cost of regulatory compliance.
37. "The private sector is doing fine."
38. Because the private sector isn't doing fine.
39. Because his administration predicted the stimulus would keep unemployment below 8 percent.
40. February 9, 2009: "If we get things right, then starting next year, we can start seeing some significant improvement" on the employment front.
41. Because now we have a 24 percent unemployment rate for people 16 to 19 years old.
42. Because the lowest the unemployment rate was during the Obama administration was 8.1 percent.
43. Because the current unemployment rate is 8.3 percent.
44. Because 4 million Americans have been out of work for more than a year.
45. Because the black unemployment rate is 14.4 percent.
46. And the Hispanic unemployment rate is 10.3 percent.
47. And because the real unemployment rate — including those who have abandoned the job hunt — is even higher.
48. Because the percentage of working-age Americans who are employed has dropped from 61 percent to 58 percent — and stayed there.
49. Because, in his own words, his "first job is to make sure the economy is growing, that we're creating jobs out there." You said it, not us.
50. Because he spent all of 2007 and 2008 imploring us to send him to Washington and, now that he has the job, he can't stop whining about how much he hates it there.
51. Because Nicholas Thompson, the vice president of polling firm The Tarrance Group, while discussing public views of Obama, said that "there's a lot of people who feel sorry for him." We should help them out.
52. Because when unemployment hit 10.2 percent, he extolled the economy's "core strengths."
53. Because in a fundraising e-mail of September 1, 2011, he demanded that Republicans "take action on" a jobs plan that he had not yet released.
54. Revising his tune on the recovery in December 2011, he said: "It's going to take more than two years. It's going to take more than one term. It probably takes more than one president." We agree with that last part.
55. Because he promised to "ban all earmarks."
56. But he didn't ban earmarks.
57. And he promised to go "line by line" through legislation.
58. But of course he didn't go line by line through legislation, and in the case of Obamacare apparently didn't go through it at all.
59. "Let me be perfectly clear."
60. Because corpsmen deserve a president who can pronounce "corpsman."
61. Because Jay Carney is the least credible press secretary since Dee Dee Myers had to stand there pretending that she didn't know what she knew about Bill Clinton.
62. Because Americans deserve the opportunity to see which White House pet will ride atop the Romney presidential limousine.
63. So you'll be able to criticize the president again without being called a racist.
64. Because there are 46 million people on food stamps.
65. And spending on food stamps doubled from $39 billion in 2008 to $81 billion in 2012.
66. For the existence of food-stamp parties.
67. And the proliferation of food-stamp advertisements.
68. Because he launched the most harebrained foreclosure scheme imaginable.
69. And because there were a record 2.8 million foreclosures in 2009.
70. And then a record 2.9 million foreclosures in 2010.
71. Recovery Summer.
72. Recovery Summer II.
73. Recovery Summer III.
74. Because America cannot handle any more Recovery Summer sequels.
75. To affirm that 50 states are enough.
76. Because he values Jon Corzine's advice.
77. Because he values Joe Biden's advice.
78. The fact that the stimulus spent $9.38 million to renovate a train depot that has been closed for 30 years.
79. And $762,000 to develop YouTube–like dance software.
80. And invested $2.5 million in dead people.
81. And sent $11 million to Microsoft to build a bridge at its campus.
82. Not to mention millions of stimulus dollars spent advertising the stimulus.
83. And $300,000 to study yoga's impact on menopause.
84. As well as $30 million to the Arizona Diamondbacks and Colorado Rockies to build a training complex.
85. And $200,000 to help Siberians lobby their legislators.
86. And $700,000 to help crab fishermen to recover their crab pots.
87. And more to get monkeys high on cocaine.
88. For that vice-presidential salute to "the people building smart toasters . . . this is real stuff."
89. Because the stimulus included an earmark for a Los Angeles–Las Vegas Maglev railway.
90. And there is not going to be a Los Angeles–Las Vegas Maglev railway.
91. Because he didn't let a crisis go to waste.
92. Because he demonizes Wall Street bankers.
93. Except his first chief of staff, Rahm Emanuel of Wasserstein Perella.
94. And his successor, Bill Daley of JP Morgan.
95. And his successor, Jacob Lew of Citigroup.
96. Because we wouldn't mind seeing Goldman Sachs take a loss on this particular investment.
97. Because since he took office, real median household income is down $4,300.
98. Because he can't distinguish between conservatism and anarchism.
99. Because his "jobs czar" praised Germany for the fact that "government and business [work] as a pack."
100. He revived the old "social Darwinism" canard.
101. "Top-down economics."
102. Because taxation for seniors making less than $50,000 did not end as promised.
103. "You know, I actually believe my own bulls**t."
104. Yeah, we know.
105. We need a president accustomed to signing the front, not the back, of checks.
106. Because he promised to rely on public financing for his campaign, then reneged.
107. For railing against money in politics while spending record amounts.
108. Trump could really use a big draw for the next Celebrity Apprentice.
109. It would lower Touré's blood pressure.
110. MSNBC could use the ratings help.
111. He could spend some more time with the perpendicular pronoun.
112. He could spend more time with his beloved straw men, who are no doubt dating his composite girlfriends.
113. For Obamacare.
114. Because he thinks health care is a "right."
115. For passing it to see what's in it.
116. Because he's on the same team as Nancy Pelosi.
117. Because America is not full of doctors who amputate healthy feet for profit.
118. "Deem and pass."
119. He promised to televise deliberations over Obamacare.
120. Because he made 58 speeches to sell Obamacare, not one of them honest.
121. For claiming "special interests" were opposed to Obamacare.
122. While making a secret deal with Big Pharma.
123. And another secret deal with the doctors.
124. And one more secret deal with the hospitals.
125. It's racist to say "Obamacare."
126. Except when he says it.
127. To undo his ban on construction of physician-owned hospitals.
128. And the 2.3 percent excise tax on select medical devices.
129. Not to mention the 3.8 percent Medicare surtax on investment income.
130. A 0.9 percent Medicare payroll tax hike.
131. A $2,500 annual cap on contributions to HSAs.
132. A 10 percent excise tax on tanning salons.
133. A $716 billion raid of Medicare.
134. And a 40 percent excise tax on "Cadillac" health-insurance plans.
135. The fact that we still own Cadillac.
136. Eliminating the "deduction for expenses allocable to Medicare Part D" will cost beneficiaries $4.5 billion.
137. The president's health-care bill wasn't going to add "one dime" to the deficit.
138. It will add 10 million tons of dimes to the deficit.
139. Because 15 percent of Part A hospital providers will become unprofitable over the next ten years.
140. For 1,200 Obamacare waivers.
141. Because labor unions are the primary recipients of those waivers.
142. Medicare's chief actuary found that Obamacare will triple the growth rate of net insurance costs.
143. And because 83 percent of physicians say they will consider quitting by the time Obamacare comes into effect.
144. So he can get a job as one of those thousands of new IRS employees.
145. The CLASS Act.
146. IPAB.
147. Because states like Maryland already are discussing tax increases in 2015 to pay for the "health-benefit exchanges" required under Obamacare.
148. For musing that his grandmother shouldn't have received end-of-life care.
149. "I happen to be a proponent of single-payer universal healthcare coverage. . . . That's what I'd like to see." But it would be awkward for him to move to Canada while serving as president of the United States.
150. Increasing the penalty on early withdrawals from HSAs for spending on non-medical expenses from 10 to 20 percent.
151. Because HSA funds can no longer be used to purchase over-the-counter medicines.
152. Itemized deductions will only be allowed for health-care expenses above 10 percent of adjusted gross income, up from 7.5 percent.
153. "If you like your health-care plan, you can keep your health-care plan." McKinsey estimates around 30 percent of employers will drop employee health plans in the years after 2014.
154. Another 17 million people will be pushed into Medicaid.
155. For claiming Obamacare would cause health-insurance premiums to decline by "3,000 percent," whatever that means, while in fact health-insurance premiums are continuing to rise.
156. For attacking Hillary for the individual mandate, then imposing one himself.
157. Because the individual mandate is not a tax.
158. Because the individual mandate is a tax.
159. Attacking McCain for taxing health benefits, then doing it himself.
160. Using the National Endowment for the Arts to sell Obamacare.
161. Breaking promises about medical marijuana.
162. Record spending on the War on Drugs.
163. Increasing S-CHIP spending.
164. The Race to the Top gimmick.
165. Increasing spending on Head Start.
166. Increasing education spending across the board.
167. Because none of those has had any measurable positive impact on education.
168. Firing Obama would make wedding registries safe again.
169. So the kids will know again that it's okay to succeed.
170. So "Chicago values" can once again be safe, legal, and rare.
171. The hijacking of Abraham Lincoln.
172. The hijacking of Ronald Reagan.
173. Because the United States now owes more in net unfunded liabilities than the combined net worth of the planet.
174. For claiming that taxing the rich would solve the entitlements crisis.
175. Because President Obama's proposed budget will run deficits larger than $600 billion in nine of the next ten years.
176. In 2010, the federal government ran a $1.293 trillion budget deficit.
177. In 2011, the federal government ran a $1.3 trillion budget deficit.
178. In 2012, the federal government ran a $1.327 trillion budget deficit.
179. In 2013, the federal government will run a $901 billion budget deficit.
180. And under President Obama's long-term fiscal plan, the budget will never balance. Ever.
181. President Obama's proposed budget received no votes in 2011.
182. President Obama's proposed budget received no votes in 2012.
183. Because there has been no Senate budget for three years running.
184. For blaming deficits on Bush tax cuts for "the rich."
185. The average annual deficit: $1.3 trillion. Revenues from repealing Bush tax cuts for the rich: about $40 billion. Math is hard.
186. Because he claimed $22,215 in foreign tax credits for income earned overseas while blasting tax credits as unpatriotic.
187. Because he doesn't have a plan, but he knows he doesn't like yours.
188. "At a certain point, you've made enough money." But not under his watch, you didn't.
189. For inviting Paul Ryan to sit in the front row at his budget speech and then sandbagging him.
190. And sandbagging John Boehner by demanding more last-minute taxes in the "grand bargain" negotiations.
191. That bicycle helmet.
192. Under President Obama's proposed budget, the top bracket will go from 35 percent to 39.6 percent.
193. The death-tax top rate would increase to 45 percent.
194. The gift-tax top rate would increase to 45 percent.
195. The capital-gains rate would rise to 20 percent.
196. Because he wants to jump off the fiscal cliff.
197. Because we are not lemmings.
198. A proposed $9.50-per-hour minimum wage.
199. Because the average American works until July 15 to pay off the cost of government.
200. To commemorate the S&P downgrade.
201. "No matter what some agency may say, we've always been and always will be a triple-A country."
202. America's Global Competitiveness ranking is down from first place to fifth.
203. And we're behind Canada on the Index of Economic Freedom.
204. The Buffett Rule.
205. Warren Buffett's secretary.
206. Warren Buffett.
207. Separation of powers.
208. Dodd.
209. Frank.
210. Dodd-Frank.
211. Because Dodd-Frank doesn't end "too big to fail."
212. But Dodd-Frank does provide for 398 new rules to be written.
213. And deadlines for 221 of the new Dodd-Frank rules have been missed.
214. "Disparate impact" lawsuits against banks.
215. Restrictions of employers' ability to consider criminal arrest and conviction records of employees because it might have a "disparate impact" on racial minorities.
216. A Coordinated Government-wide Initiative to Promote Diversity and Inclusion in the Federal Workforce.
217. False claims about declining mobility.
218. False claims about the effects of inequality.
219. David Axelrod.
220. David Axelrod's mustache.
221. For pretending to be against outsourcing.
222. For not knowing the difference between outsourcing and offshoring.
223. The rule of law.
224. Impersonating Teddy Roosevelt in Osawatomie, Kan.
225. Forcing the Fed to increase its number of minority economists.
226. The Middle Class Task Force.
227. The Jobs Council.
228. The 2010 federal pay freeze that did not freeze pay.
229. Because the Open Government Initiative was a lie.
230. Arguing that Bain Capital is the problem with America.
231. While taking Bain Capital's campaign contributions.
232. A 35 percent tariff on the importation of Chinese tires.
233. Richard Cordray.
234. Because just as his campaign sent out an e-mail declaring that "our President and First Lady are, when it comes down to it, regular people like us," the first family departed for a $4 million, 17-day Christmas vacation.
235. Joe Biden.
236. He reads Andrew Sullivan.
237. He thinks the government created the Internet.
238. He thinks government is what makes us great.
239. For pretending his name has been an electoral liability.
240. Because the IRS audit of Harry Reid is long overdue.
241. The Constitution.
242. Bailing out Chrysler and giving it to an Italian car company.
243. Because Fisker Automotive is offshoring (Mitt can explain) its manufacturing to Finland after Obama "invested" our money in it.
244. The auto bailout initially cost $14 billion but eventually will cost taxpayers $25.1 billion.
245. Because we believe him when he says: "The American auto industry has come roaring back. Now I want to do the same thing with manufacturing jobs, not just in the auto industry, but in every industry."
246. GM's share price is tanking.
247. GM's market share is tanking.
248. We're not hearing the roar.
249. The auto bailout saved union benefits, but employees of parts supplier Delphi saw up to 70 percent of their pensions yanked away.
250. Shortchanging private bondholders to preserve UAW contracts.
251. Attacking the bondholders for "hold[ing] out for the prospect of an unjustified taxpayer-funded bailout."
252. Elena Kagan.
253. Kagan's declaration that the Constitution is "defective."
254. The Wise Latina™.
255. Number of justices older than 75: three.
256. So Antonin Scalia can retire in peace.
257. He values "empathy" over "abstract legal theory," a.k.a. the law.
258. He considers the Warren Court to have been a failure because it did not achieve "redistribution of wealth."
259. And because "it didn't break free from the essential constraints that were placed by the Founding Fathers in the Constitution," a.k.a. the Constitution.
260. Alleging that a decision overturning Obamacare would be "unprecedented."
261. Falsely claiming that Citizens United allows "foreign countries and companies bankrolling national campaigns."
262. Describing Citizens United as "a major victory for Big Oil, Wall Street banks, health-insurance companies."
263. Gracelessly attacking members of the Supreme Court at the 2010 State of the Union speech.
264. Attorney General Eric Holder.
265. Supreme Court Justice Eric Holder.
266. Celebrating his birthday for a week.
267. "Anyone can grow up to be president," but we didn't need someone to prove it.
268. Mocking Nancy Reagan at a news conference.
269. Every ambitious state senator in the country with no accomplishments is now thinking, "I could be president within four years."
270. Even Entertainment Weekly thinks it is time for the president to stop doing fluff interviews.
271. Because we are not "a nation of cowards."
272. Dropping prosecution of the New Black Panthers.
273. His Justice and Education departments issued a report encouraging post-secondary institutions to evade restrictions on racial preferences.
274. Attempting to try KSM in New York City.
275. Dumping the Defense of Marriage Act, despite an obligation to defend it.
276. Opposing voter ID.
277. The Obama DOJ does not consider putting a GPS tracker on your car a "search." The Supreme Court disagrees, 9–0.
278. Because we like religious liberty.
279. In Hosanna-Tabor v. EEOC, the administration argued that federal "discrimination" laws applied to religious organizations' selection of their leaders. The Supreme Court disagrees, 9–0.
280. President Obama's DOJ sued the State of Florida because it attempted to purge state voting rolls of foreigners and deceased citizens.
281. The DOJ blocked a voter-ID law in South Carolina, even though the state provided free voter IDs.
282. Former Justice attorney Christopher Coates says that there is a "hostile atmosphere . . . against race-neutral enforcement of the Voting Rights Act."
283. Suing Arizona in federal court for enforcing federal immigration law.
284. Arguing that the IRS takes priority over other creditors when farmers in bankruptcy sell their farms.
285. Joe Biden.
286. Fast and Furious.
287. Lying about Fast and Furious.
288. Dishonestly denying that ATF allowed guns to "walk" as part of Fast and Furious.
289. The death of Brian Terry because of Fast and Furious.
290. Eric Holder's stonewalling about Fast and Furious.
291. Bogus claims of executive privilege in re: Fast and Furious.
292. Obama's ambassador to London said that "all key issues must run through Europe."
293. "In America, there's a failure to appreciate Europe's leading role in the world," said the alleged leader of the free world.
294. Giving the Russians information on Britain's nuclear deterrent to persuade them to sign a treaty.
295. David Plouffe.
296. Joe Biden.
297. Falsely claiming that 90 percent of Mexican crime guns come from the United States.
298. Working to make that lie a reality.
299. Wanting to reinstate the assault-weapons ban.
300. Expressing support for Washington's handgun ban and claiming that it was constitutional.
301. Opposing concealed-carry laws and supporting a national law that prohibits the practice.
302. Supporting the United Nations Arms Trade Treaty (the "small-arms treaty").
303. An "F" rating from the NRA.
304. We rather liked Article I, Section 8 of the Constitution.
305. "I am president. I am not king. I can't do these things just by myself."
306. The DREAM Act executive order.
307. Gutting the 1996 Welfare Reform Act.
308. 29 recess appointments, some of them without an actual recess.
309. War Powers Act? Who needs it?
310. "We're not going to use signing statements as a way of doing an end run around Congress."
311. He has used signing statements 21 times so far.
312. Cynical gay-marriage flip-flop.
313. Cynical Gitmo flip-flop.
314. The possibility of gay marriages in Gitmo.
315. Obama's first presidential decision: Joe Biden.
316. Biden will finally be free to say whatever he wants.
317. "Middle Class Joe."
318. "Barack America."
319. The "first mainstream African American who is articulate and bright and clean and a nice-looking guy."
320. "Big f***ing deal."
321. "They gonna put y'all back in chains."
322. Biden has a lousy fake black accent.
323. Biden wanted us to avoid "confined spaces" because of swine flu, a panic-inducing recommendation completely contradictory to CDC instructions.
324. Biden called tea-party Republicans in Congress "terrorists."
325. Biden was asked by the manager of a custard shop outside of Milwaukee if he was going to lower taxes. He called the man a "smartass."
326. Biden: "We have to go spend money to keep from going bankrupt."
327. Biden: "Jobs" is a "three-letter word."
328. Biden: The bin Laden hit was the most "audacious plan" in 500 years.
329. Biden considers Brussels to be the "capital of the free world."
330. Giving Joe a head start on "Biden 2016."
331. "The war on women."
332. The Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act.
333. Favoring reintroduction of the Equal Rights Amendment.
334. Saying that there is a crisis in "access to contraception," when Walmart sells the contraceptive pill for $9 per month.
335. The HHS mandate.
336. We rather liked the First Amendment.
337. Calling up Sandra Fluke.
338. The fee for violating the HHS mandate is $100 per day, per employee.
339. The question of when life begins is "above [the president's] pay grade."
340. But proclaiming, "Abortions should be legally available in accordance with Roe v. Wade."
341. And opposing all parental-notification laws.
342. And describing becoming pregnant as being "punished with a baby."
343. While claiming abortion is "health care."
344. He advocates nullification of almost all federal and state limitations on abortion.
345. He opposes the partial-birth-abortion ban.
346. He overturned the Dornan amendment, which had outlawed taxpayer-funded abortions in Washington, D.C., for 13 years.
347. A 100 percent pro-abortion rating from both NARAL and Planned Parenthood.
348. A 0 percent rating from National Right to Life.
349. Overturning the Mexico City Policy.
350. Opposing the Hyde Amendment.
351. Supporting public funding for Planned Parenthood.
352. $487 million to Planned Parenthood in 2010.
353. Federal funding for embryonic-stem-cell research.
354. "Science czar" John Holdren, who wrote a book advocating forced abortion and sterilization while arguing for a one-world government.
355. His first deputy secretary of state, James B. Steinberg, told the Senate that taxpayers should be forced to fund abortions.
356. $50 million in funds to the United Nations Population Fund, which supports China's "One Child" policy.
357. Joe Biden telling the Chinese that he "fully understands" their draconian one-child policy.
358. Joe Biden.
359. Canada today seems well governed in comparison.
360. Speaking at the DNC in front of Greco-Roman columns.
361. We'll get to watch Chris Matthews cry.
362. We'll get to watch Chris Matthews lose his tingle.
363. We'll get to watch Ed Schultz go crazy. Crazier. Whatever.
364. Because he's nicer to Harvard professors than to Cambridge cops.
365. "A teachable moment."
366. "If I had a son, he'd look like Trayvon."
367. Personally pitching Chicago as an Olympics host in Copenhagen.
368. Failing spectacularly while pitching Chicago as an Olympics host in Copenhagen.
369. With Michelle, using some form of "I" 70 times in 89 sentences in Copenhagen.
370. To Hispanics: "We're gonna punish our enemies, and we're gonna reward our friends who stand with us on issues that are important to us."
371. The apology tour.
372. The Nobel Peace Prize? Really?
373. Bowing before the king of Saudi Arabia.
374. Bowing before Chinese Communist leader Hu Jintao.
375. Bowing before the emperor of Japan.
376. Bowing before the president of Mexico.
377. Bowing before the mayor of Tampa.
378. Bowing before every union boss in the known universe.
379. Because then maybe the Dalai Lama won't have to leave the White House by a back door, next to piled-up garbage.
380. Listening calmly for 50 minutes while Daniel Ortega issued a diatribe against the United States at the OAS.
381. Wanting to relax travel restrictions to Cuba.
382. Shaking Hugo Chávez's hand.
383. Because a new president will respect Honduran democracy.
384. Giving the Queen of England an iPod containing his speeches.
385. Making a speech during the British national anthem while visiting Buckingham Palace.
386. Michelle Obama hugged the Queen.
387. For sending back the Churchill bust.
388. For lying about sending back the Churchill bust.
389. For refusing to admit lying about sending back the Churchill bust.
390. Prime Minister Gordon Brown presented Obama with a penholder made from the timbers of the 19th-century British warship HMS Gannet. President Obama gave Gordon Brown 25 DVDs that didn't play on British DVD players.
391. "The Maldives."
392. Calling France our strongest friend and ally.
393. Fort Hood was "workplace violence."
394. "Man-caused disasters."
395. So we can reopen Guantanamo Bay! Oh, wait . . .
396. "Overseas contingency operations."
397. So the State Department will no longer apologize to Chinese Communists for Arizona's immigration laws.
398. Janet Napolitano's "the system worked."
399. "A failure to connect the dots."
400. "We can absorb a terrorist attack."
401. NASA trying to make Muslims "feel good about their historic contribution to
science, math, and engineering."
402. Pool report, December 28, 2009: "A half-hour after President Obama vowed to catch the terrorists behind a plot to blow up a plane on Christmas, he arrived at 10:40 a.m. at the Luana Hills Country Club." Perhaps he suspected a caddy was involved?
403. "Reset."
404. Due to a translation error, the "Reset" button actually said "Overloaded."
405. The New START treaty, by which America gives and Russia gets.
406. Ignoring Russia's tactical-nuclear-weapons advantage.
407. North Korea has 2,000 uranium-enrichment centrifuges and is constructing a 100-megawatt light-water reactor.
408. So he can finally see Israel.
409. Because "Israel is a strong friend of Israel's."
410. "The Middle East is obviously an issue that has plagued the region for centuries."
411. Humiliating Benjamin Netanyahu.
412. No more bitching about Israeli prime ministers to French presidents.
413. Insisting on the settlement freeze.
414. Because the Israeli capital is Jerusalem.
415. "Leading from behind."
416. Canceling the missile-defense program in Poland and the Czech Republic.
417. "A Polish death camp."
418. Abandoning Iraq.
419. The Afghan deadline.
420. Never saying "victory."
421. Assad the reformer.
422. Naïve outreach to Iran.
423. His blatant bad faith on stopping the Iranian nuclear program.
424. Sending a team of dolphins to the Strait of Hormuz.
425. When a drone crashed in Iran: "We've asked for it back. We'll see how the Iranians respond."
426. Negotiating with the Taliban.
427. Expanding combat roles for women.
428. Using Israel's pre-1967 borders as a debate "starting point."
429. Inviting the Muslim Brotherhood to Washington, D.C.
430. Because the Muslim Brotherhood is not largely "secular."
431. Shrinking the Marine Corps by 10 percent.
432. The Navy's shipbuilding budget will continue to fall behind the rate at which ships are being retired.
433. Global Zero.
434. "No one nation can or should try to dominate another nation."
435. The Cairo speech.
436. Lending legitimacy to the atrocious U.N. Human Rights Council.
437. Failing to support the Green Revolution in Iran.
438. Referring to Iran as "the Islamic Republic of Iran."
439. New Year's greetings to "the people and leaders of Iran."
440. Politically correct taboos against use of the term "radical Islam."
441. Leaking Stuxnet.
442. Leaking about the bin Laden raid.
443. Leaking about the drone program.
444. Leaking about the Yemeni double agent.
445. Because Tom Donilon finally might shut the f*** up.
446. Because by 2020 the interest payments on the debt will be bigger than the entire military budget.
447. By 2015, the interest on the national debt will finance the Chinese army in its entirety.
448. Railing against waterboarding but blowing up over 2,000 suspected terrorists.
449. Van Jones.
450. The word "um" needs a break.
451. The Mexicans prefer Cinco de Mayo to Cinco de Cuatro.
452. Even Maureen Dowd has lost faith.
453. And David Brooks is wavering.
454. He's lost "Obama Girl."
455. He hasn't lost Joe Biden.
456. The next time a candidate runs under the banner of "Yes We Can!" the American people might ask: "What, precisely?"
457. "Cap and trade."
458. "Electricity rates would necessarily skyrocket."
459. The war on coal.
460. Opposing the Sacramento–San Joaquin Water Reliability Act.
461. Solyndra.
462. Biden on Solyndra: The "jobs are going to be permanent jobs. These are the jobs of the future. These are the green jobs. These are the jobs that won't be exported. These are the jobs that are going to define the 21st century and the jobs that are going to allow America to compete and to lead like we did in the 20th century."
463. George Kaiser, the billionaire Obama fundraiser who held the biggest stake in Solyndra.
464. Refusing to hand over internal White House documents about Solyndra.
465. 71 percent of energy grants and loans were given to Democratic donors, bundlers, or members of Obama's National Finance Committee.
466. Raser Technology of Utah received a $33 million grant. It filed for bankruptcy in 2011.
467. Sun Power received $1.2 billion in taxpayer guarantees. Today, it owes more than it's worth.
468. Aptera liquidated itself in 2011. It had received a $150 million conditional loan from the federal government.
469. Pressuring an Air Force general to change his testimony to favor LightSquared, a wireless company, run by major Democratic donor Sanjiv Ahuja.
470. Ener1 received a $118.5 million grant from the Department of Energy. It went bankrupt in January.
471. BrightSource received $1.6 billion in guarantees and turned it into a $177 million loss.
472. Beacon Power received $43 million in loan guarantees. It's now bankrupt.
473. ECOtality received $126.2 million of taxpayers' money. It posted $45 million in losses and will never be profitable.
474. Abound Solar received $400 million in loan guarantees to build photovoltaic-panel factories. The company has filed for bankruptcy and laid off all 305 of its employees.
475. Nevada Geothermal received a $98.5 million guarantee in 2010. The company is failing.
476. Stretching CAFE standards beyond all reasonable limits.
477. "British Petroleum."
478. Taking lots of campaign schmundo from "British Petroleum."
479. Instructing BP to create a $20 billion escrow fund to be distributed by the government.
480. Hilda Solis, the AFL-CIO's "humble servant."
481. Steven "The Public Needs to Be Educated" Chu.
482. Because we only needed to be told once that Chu won a Nobel Prize.
483. The country deserves an energy secretary who owns a car.
484. Because Thomas Edison must be avenged.
485. The Chevy Volt.
486. The Korean batteries in the Chevy Volt.
487. The recall of every Chevy Volt ever built.
488. EPA regulation of carbon.
489. The EPA running free of congressional oversight.
490. Classifying carbon dioxide and methane, two products of the human body, as "dangerous" to human health.
491. Bypassing Congress to regulate emissions through the United Nations Environment Program.
492. "We can't drive our SUVs and eat as much as we want and keep our homes on 72 degrees at all times."
493. The War on the Suburbs.
494. Because of whatshisname, who runs HUD.
495. Blocking the Keystone pipeline.
496. Installing wind turbines that kill bald eagles.
497. "Cash for Clunkers."
498. Purchasing 450,000 gallons of biofuel for Navy ships at a cost of $15 per gallon. The standard JP-5 fuel costs $4 a gallon.
499. Some of that biofuel came from Solazyme, which the administration awarded a $22 million stimulus grant.
500. Gas prices up 100 percent since Inauguration Day.
501. A six-month ban on offshore drilling in Louisiana . . .
502. . . . while applauding increased drilling off the coast of Brazil.
503. Lying about his panel of experts' recommending an offshore-drilling ban.
504. Rejecting "sound science" to close Yucca Mountain because Harry Reid told him to.
505. The Communist party endorsed him.
506. Desire to "fundamentally transform" America.
507. Praising Malcom X's "repeated acts of self-creation."
508. "I want you to argue with them [your neighbors] and get in their face."
509. "Hostage takers."
510. One day after telling debt-ceiling-negotiation participants to "leave our political rhetoric at the door," Obama says at a town hall that Republicans are treating the debt ceiling as "a gun against the heads of the American people to extract tax breaks for corporate-jet owners."
511. He hates corporate jets.
512. One great American manufacturing success story: corporate jets.
513. He said Occupy Wall Street "expresses the frustrations that the American people feel."
514. Telling Occupiers, "you're the reason I ran for office."
515. Being "unaware of the tea parties."
516. "Teabaggers!"
517. "When you spread the wealth around it's good for everybody."
518. "We're not going to run around doing negative ads. We're going to keep it positive, we're going to talk about the issues."
519. Americans are "bitter, they cling to guns or religion or antipathy to people who aren't like them or anti-immigrant sentiment or anti-trade sentiment."
520. The "smartest president ever" wrote only one article for the Harvard Law Review . . .
521. . . . and that article was a paean to abortion.
522. "Citizen of the world."
523. Because he campaigned in Berlin.
524. Because he never stopped campaigning.
525. Thinking there's an Austrian language.
526. "Greek exceptionalism."
527. At this rate, Greece might not be so exceptional . . .
528. "There's nothing special about Britain. You're just the same as the other 190 countries in the world. You shouldn't expect special treatment."
529. It's time for an administration more interested in building pipelines than narratives.
530. The Salahis need some turnover in White House Protocol staffers to get their groove back.
531. The Obama–Clinton primary fight was so much fun, this way we can do it again in 2016.
532. He makes Bill Clinton look like a statesman.
533. We need a president who knows the proper usage of "enormity."
534. And a vice president who knows what "literally" means.
535. Because he was born in Asia — at least, that's where he seems to think Hawaii is.
536. Good time for the Obamas to transition, with nothing in season during January in the White House kitchen garden.
537. 392 speeches in 2009.
538. 491speeches in 2010.
539. Thinking his mistake was failure "to tell a story to the American people."
540. "I believe all the choices we've made have been the right ones."
541. "We can't wait!"
542. Because "there is no secret, brilliant strategy. This White House is in a bubble." So said former MSNBC host Cenk Uygur, September 1, 2011.
543. For holding more fundraisers than the last five presidents combined.
544. MSNBC's Chris Matthews characterized the change in Obama's political approach as "going from hope and change to dig-up-and-destroy."
545. Being afraid of press conferences.
546. Within weeks of becoming president, Obama appointed 17 lobbyists, after having promised to eliminate their influence.
547. Meeting with lobbyists across from the White House in coffee shops in order to avoid producing Secret Service logs.
548. Giving his first official television interview to Al-Arabiya.
549. "I won."
550. Saying Jessica Simpson is in a "weight battle."
551. Mocking the Special Olympics.
552. We can't survive more than three Hilary Rosens.
553. Awarding the Presidential Medal of Freedom to Harvey Milk.
554. Awarding the Presidential Medal of Freedom to Mary Robinson.
555. Awarding the Presidential Medal of Freedom to Dolores Huerta.
556. Hiring a former ACORN associate to run his 2012 "Project Vote" campaign.
557. For the sheer joy of sticking it to Colin Powell, Jim Leach, Ken Adelman, and the Obamacon community.
558. For mocking Scott Brown's truck.
559. Appointing a La Raza lobbyist to direct his Domestic Policy Council.
560. Bypassing the Senate to appoint Steven Rattner, who was under SEC investigation for kickbacks and pensions fraud.
561. Believing the United Nations has prevented a Third World War.
562. For this little nugget from Jodi Kantor's The Obamas, page 156: "There were many times the president seemed to be giving up on the public."
563. For inserting himself into the biographies of other presidents on whitehouse.gov.
564. Stephanie Cutter.
565. Attack Watch.
566. Truth Team.
567. Everything he does is touted as "unprecedented" and "daring" — even locating his reelection headquarters in Chicago.
568. Teleprompter speeches to schoolchildren.
569. Joe Biden.
570. Raúl Castro's daughter endorsed him while in the United States . . .
571. . . . and she was here because the Obama administration gave her a visa.
572. Isn't it time for the oceans to rise again?
573. Repeatedly saying the federal government must codify in law the idea that we are "my brother's keeper, my sister's keeper," while his own brother lives in a shack.
574. Daring to besmirch the reputation of Rutherford B. Hayes.
575. "Some billionaires have a tax rate as low as 1 percent."
576. The TSA touches our junk.
577. We need a Treasury Secretary who hasn't been caught taking illegal deductions on his taxes.
578. Getting contradicted by Caterpillar's CEO.
579. Asking Americans, and blacks specifically, to "have his back."
580. Saying Americans should "rise and fall as one unit."
581. Because his authenticity is rooted in condescension.
582. Because he's a post-partisan poseur.
583. If he could have "any superpower" it would be to speak a foreign language.
584. Because the vaunted intellectual speaks fewer foreign languages than George W. Bush.
585. Misattributing a quotation on the Oval Office carpet.
586. The czars.
587. The fundraisers.
588. Because he hates Eric Cantor.
589. Endorsed by the NEA.
590. Endorsed by AFL-CIO.
591. Endorsed by SEIU.
592. Taking $60 million from the SEIU.
593. Telling the SEIU: "We look after each other!" True enough.
594. "I've been fighting with ACORN, alongside ACORN, on issues you care about, my entire career."
595. We need a vice president who is hated by Tom Morello.
596. Janeane Garofalo is adorable when she weeps.
597. He'd "appreciate a little break and some Tuscan sun."
598. Because he doesn't know more about Judaism than any other president.
599. For his runaway narcissism, e.g. December 20, 2011: "I would put our legislative and foreign-policy accomplishments in our first two years against any president — with the possible exceptions of Johnson, FDR, and Lincoln."
600. Free Cory Booker!
601. Panthers Stadium.
602. Have we mentioned Joe Biden?
603. Comparing himself to Martin Luther King.
604. Because not all of our foreign allies can "punch above their weight."
605. He needs more time to hang out with celebrities.
606. Accepting Harry Reid's lies about Romney's tax returns.
607. "I'm LeBron, baby."
608. Because since becoming president, Obama has appeared on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and The Late Show with David Letterman, taped a question-and-answer promoting Conan O'Brien's transition to The Tonight Show, taped a promotion for George Lopez, and taped a video for The Colbert Report.
609. He has also taped a prime-time special with Oprah, been the subject of an NBC News prime-time special, been the subject of an HBO documentary, and grilled with Food Network star Bobby Flay.
610. And he has popped up in commercials during Thanksgiving football, and filled out his NCAA basketball tournament picks on ESPN; and now he is appearing on American Idol. (Again.)
611. Because we don't want to eat our vegetables.
612. So Olympic gold medalist Gabby Douglas can once again enjoy an Egg McMuffin in peace.
613. Believing reducing "obesity" will save $1 trillion per year.
614. Lying about Romney's position on abortion.
615. Borrowing arguments from Elizabeth Warren.
616. Being on the same team as Elizabeth Warren.
617. Because the Constitution was not "put to paper more than 20 centuries ago."
618. Because encouraging Americans to buy "thingamajigs" is not an economic plan.
619. We can't survive Obama's dealing with foreign leaders for "the next eight to ten years."
620. Because Georgia isn't in Russia.
621. We rather like the words "created," "Creator," and "Life" in the Declaration of Independence.
622. Accusing Mitt Romney of killing a woman.
623. Because his main opponent is not "cynicism."
624. Government is most definitely not "cool again."
625. Demagoguing the PATRIOT Act and then quietly signing an extension.
626. Because Obama's parents were supposedly inspired to get married by "Bloody Sunday" in Selma, Ala., which happened four years after their actual wedding.
627. For $40,000-a-plate fundraising dinners in Hollywood.
628. "A lot of people in this room have seen directly the damage that's been done as a consequence of this recession," said President Obama, speaking at a $38,500-per-plate fundraiser held at the home of Ralph Schlosstein, CEO of Evercore Partners, the investment bank that advised General Motors during its bankruptcy and subsequent bailout.
629. The GSA spent $823,000 on a conference for 300 employees at a luxury Las Vegas hotel.
630. Airfare and lodging for the planning trips alone cost $147,000.
631. The GSA spent $3,200 on a mind reader.
632. The GSA spent $6,300 on commemorative coins.
633. The GSA spent $75,000 on a training exercise to build a bicycle.
634. The GSA treated 120 interns to a conference at a Palm Springs resort.
635. Richard Trumka is a frequent White House guest.
636. e. christi cunningham
637. Persecuting Boeing for expanding operations in a right-to-work state.
638. Card check.
639. Appointing Sharon Block and Richard Griffin to the National Labor Relations Board . . .
640. . . . as recess appointments.
641. The DISCLOSE Act.
642. Nationalizing the student-loan industry.
643. Using the loan market to push young people into the "helping" professions.
644. Because his wife's last job paid in the middle six figures but she advised a roomful of working women to abjure financial gain to engage in public service.
645. Trying to end the D.C. Opportunity Scholarship Program.
646. And doing so while sending his daughters to Sidwell Friends.
647. Joe Biden.
648. Filing briefs in support of affirmative action and race-based quotas in public universities.
649. A new federal office specifically dedicated to educational efforts for African Americans.
650. Race-based quotas for school discipline.
651. "I am a strong supporter of affirmative action."
652. Because he wants to squeeze the fruit again.
653. We don't need a "civilian national-security force."
654. We don't need an Internet kill switch.
655. The FCC's attempting to impose "net neutrality."
656. "Nobody accused Mr. Romney of being a felon" (except Obama's deputy campaign manager).
657. Trying to move the census from the Department of Commerce to the White House.
658. Valerie Jarrett.
659. He tried to appoint Tom Daschle.
660. "I don't think you or anybody who's been watching the campaign would say yes, that in any way we have tried to divide the country. We've always tried to bring the country together."
661. Mom jeans.
662. Eating dog.
663. He picked his dog from the same litter as Ted Kennedy.
664. To give salmon regulators a break.
665. To shut up the Birthers . . .
666. . . . especially Trump . . .
667. . . . until Rubio runs.
668. So he can blame it on Bush.
669. It's time for a Choom Gang reunion.
670. For governing "Present."
671. If you're going to fill your autobiography with fake women, you could at least make them more appealing.
672. That Jimmy Fallon appearance.
673. "Cominskey."
674. Do it for Andrew Breitbart.
675. He throws like a girl.
676. He bowls like a four-and-a-half-year-old.
677. He wore a White Sox hat with a Nationals jersey to throw out his first pitch.
678. Roman Genn is really good at drawing Romney and Ryan.
679. We can't take any more cowbell.
680. The presidency is really starting to eat into his golf game.
681. Comedians will be able to joke about the president again.
682. Bill Clinton needs this.
683. We need change we can believe in.
684. Recovery November.
685. The president can hook up again with Bill Ayers, "a guy who lives in [his] neighborhood."
686. He'll be able to spend more time with his family.
687. Because that first public cigarette will be smooooooth.
688. Because the post-election National Review cruise can't stock enough liquor if it goes the other way.
689. Because you built that.
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