LTM 22. The Art of Listening

22. The Art of Listening
Being a good listener is one of the most important skills to master if you
want to build meaningful relationships or advance your career. When you
listen intentionally, you demonstrate your interest in what is being said
and your respect for the individual saying it. Thoughtful listening is a
magnetic force that draws people to you, building trust and rapport along
the way.
Have you ever talked to someone and noticed that he or she wasn’t really
listening to you? How did it make you feel? Unimportant? Disrespected?
Ignored? Remember those feelings and work diligently to ensure that
people never feel the same way when conversing with you.
I always value the lessons I learn from my role models. My dad’s
expertise in this area has been a shining example. He is the best listener I
know. Everyone who meets him forms an instant bond with him, and I’m
convinced the Number 1 reason for this immediate connection is his
heartfelt and sincere interest in others, demonstrated through attentive
listening.
Ten Valuable Tips
1. Make eye contact. The first step in being an intentional listener is
to make eye contact with people while they are talking. Direct eye
contact demonstrates genuine interest in the person and the
conversation.
2. Be present. I must admit that sometimes my wife accuses me of
not being present when she is talking, even though I am looking at
Improving Your Life One Thing at a Time. 65.
her. Perhaps I have that ―The lights are on, but no one is home‖
look. When listening, try not to let your mind wander; instead,
focus your attention on the person and what’s being said. Be
aware that people do notice when you are not paying attention.
3. Don’t send signals of your impatience. When you are listening,
don’t give any clues that you are ready to respond. Don’t point
your finger, open your mouth, or fidget. When I see that people
are waiting on ―pins and needles‖ to respond, I have a sense they
are more concerned with how they are going to respond than with
listening to what I have to say.
4. Don’t interrupt. One of the most prevalent problems in our
society is not allowing people to finish a thought without
interrupting them. If you start talking at the same time someone
else is trying to finish his or her thought, stop and say, ―I’m sorry,
please continue.” Then let them finish before responding. Even if
what you have to say is important or it’s an answer to the question
they raised, show them your respect by letting them finish.
5. Use the two-second rule. Even though you may feel the urge to
present your viewpoint, allowing whatever pops into your head to
pop out of your mouth is disrespectful to the speaker. During all
of your conversations, wait two seconds after the person stops
speaking before you respond. Often people are just pausing to
gather their thoughts before continuing the conversation. This is
especially important during phone conversations because you
can’t make eye contact or see facial expressions. If you find
yourself talking at the same time someone else is talking, remind
yourself to use the two-second rule.

6. Show a sincere interest. This is one area where my dad stands
out from most people. When he listens he really cares about what
is being said, even if it’s a subject that doesn’t concern him. This
is his way of demonstrating that what people say is important and
that he values them as individuals.
7. Listen for the message within the message. Another one of my
dad’s skills is to listen for the subtle message hidden in the
conversation. Dad says that most people are looking for
encouragement, answers, or insights to the subjects they discuss.
By listening intently he is able to grasp the topic, allowing him to
engage and connect on a deeper level.
8. Don’t change the subject. When you are engaged in a
conversation, don’t change the subject unless the discussion is
finished. This behavior is obvious in small group settings,
business meetings, and social encounters. If you change the
subject prematurely, you demonstrate a lack of interest in the
discussion and indicate that you think what you have to say is
more important.
9. Respond by asking questions. Asking questions during a
conversation shows a sincere interest in the topic. My dad
believes that most people operate at the feeling level rather than
the thinking level. His favorite question is to ask people how they
feel about the subject they have raised.
10. Don’t start a side conversation. When you are part of a group
discussion, never start a second conversation with someone near
you. Even if the speaker isn’t including you when sharing eye

contact with others in the group, don’t allow the speaker’s lack of
courtesy to prevent you from being a good listener.
LTM Challenge
My guess is that, if you are like me, you believe you know the right thing
to do and you think you’re a decent listener. Can you get better? Will you
commit to showing you care about people by incorporating these ten tips
into your daily routine? Listening is one of those areas where we can
always improve.
Being a good listener requires an intentional effort
and a sincere interest in other people.
It is a skill worth mastering.